Μεʍεƞτɸ Ɣι⋎εʀε!
I have been stuck on how to move forward with my writing, and the general creative process for quite some time now. I have been focusing mainly on art and design work while banging my head against the proverbial writers block wall throughout the duration. I cannot due to a great deal of reasons finish my seven incomplete novels, my autobiographical sketches are, well, too sketchy and it seems that they are not necessarily what my audience is after for entertainment.
I have found a formula by which I am going to move forward.
The most important part I have learned about being a writer is that you simply MUST designate blocks of time devoted entirely to writing. The other is not to put all of your eggs in one basket, as writing, will most likely never make you rich.
Part of the problem with me lies in re-evaluating and assessing damage control in why my efforts (shy of the 300K views) have been unsuccessful. I started doing some heavy through - the - looking glass introspection lately, frequenting philosophers and psychologists and major motivational speakers to pick their brains for why all of this has come down so hard on me over the years. What I learned was hard to swallow at first, and I will be moved to say humbling to me in the notion first of all that “I played a role in my failure”. The next part of that equation is that “I need to see what wrong I did, and accept my status as it’s consequence”.
I was led to believe that this in turn, places me in doing the RIGHT thing here forward, that I am placing myself back in line with those who also “do right” and laying the foundation for benefits from this for not only myself, but both directly and indirectly… many other people.
Time warp to 2013. I had a new baby, and her mother and I had failed by this time to secure jobs and housing. I was sudden;ly deluged with this burning intense desire to do everything and anything in my power to provide for them, and was bolstered by great talents and former friends' successes to believe I too, could build a career in entertainment. The problem was just that, anything and everything I did.
I couldn’t get a prescription for Adderall and Xanax, so I went with Crystal Meth and alcohol, running a two day sleep cycle so that I could write furiously day and night in massive ten to fifteen hour sessions. I didn’t see the problem, and caused no one a problem (so I thought) and was surprised and outraged when wind blew my flame like wildfire in to the opinions of the community around me, and my now soiled reputation.
I quit, but even then, the madness did not stop. I was now caught with my hand in the cookie jar, and I lost everything. My money, my manuscripts and thousands of pages of notes, my V.I.P. gateway to doing stand up comedy, my music went to shit and was heckled and ridiculed, I got hacked in unbelievable ways. I was always paranoid. I was a suspect of something I didn’t do, a crime not committed by me. Eventually I lost my home, my pride, my spark, and could’ve died.
I have desperately been trying to pick up the pieces since, but back to this newfound philosophy, what did “I DO?!” I did the wrong thing, and then expected to be relieved of that burden with a pardon right away, when all of my bullshit was open to the public on my websites.
What I have tried to do since is build a better picture of the life of a bi polar man faced with a paralyzing illness. I have tried to write when clear, foggy, vague, deluded, manic, or just factual to catch a glimpse of the examination of many states of mind I go through near every day.
From here I will now move onto the traditional things any first time author wants to do through the writing. I am going to write a work of fiction condensing my life's timeline of events and twisting it up into a great thing we call a plot. Something even I, believe it or not, am capable of doing. Most of all this pursuit will be to share the sheer gravity of the experience of some of the things I have gone through, and mainly to point the finger to what it reveals about humans, and the boundless possibilities that are engendered in our beliefs, hope, faith, and the action that these things in our daily life foster for living in kind.
The wreckage of my past has been such a transcendental pivot point for my personal growth, and I do not weigh my success in dollars, just sense. It was just another bridge over troubled waters being so open to discuss publicly my personal matters as with my family. It has been a great healing adventure to have been able to relate such a variety of different stories while going on and forward with my life here with my partner and our daughter. The reaction in public when people did recognize me was at times overwhelmingly positive, and though only nominally hateful or critical, a great journey to learn how to internalize these haters without being hurt.
310 thousand plus views since September 2013. Wow.
In any case, thank you to my too - loyal readership for making it this far without any hate mail, thank you to those who have supported and shared my work, thank you to those who come to see the art as it has evolved, and most of all thank you to the readers who took the time to bring to light your favorite parts of my collections and make sure others did the same. Your kindness is not unnoticed, and my gratitude is not nearly expressing enough how healing your attention given to me has been.
Μεʍεƞτɸ Ɣι⋎εʀε!
- Joel
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